I shot most of the wedding images at a time in my life when I was going through great emotional turmoil and pain. The woman I loved had left me, my dog had died and the documentary films I had dedicated my life to seemed sensationalized and far removed from my romantic visions when I had begun making them. My constant travelling had removed me from family and lover; the world seemed smaller and, from a distance, on reflection, so did I. Documentary filmmaking had treated me well—I found myself financially comfortable, being patted on the back by friends and family, earning in ‘dollars’ too. However, in some regards I thought of myself as a fraud, a lucky sell-out, an exotic hunter. Heartbroken, I found myself withdrawing from social events and family.

The wedding images are the product of my own experiences of love and come from suffering and loss, not just of a companion but also of my ideas of love, fidelity and relationships. I liked holding the camera up to my face and hiding behind it. I had to speak less, smile less and be patted on the back less. Still photography was working alone which meant less conversation and less bullshit. I searched for moments of beauty and love but also for betrayal, disappointment and pain, all a part of my own tapestry at the time and, as I saw in each wedding, of practically everyone else. I found myself looking for the frayed edges, at bitching relatives and flirtatious grooms, at unfaithfulness, at jealousy, sadness and anger. My wedding images are a testament to love and its loss. I have tried to penetrate facades, to remove myself from my own connections with those who I photograph, to reveal the truth in our lives, in my life, to strip away the lies and, hopefully, to reveal moments in all their complexity, nastiness and beauty.